The Apprentice turns failure into an art form – but I can’t stop watching it

The 20th season of The Apprentice kicks off tonight, and let me tell you, you’re in for a treat.

Now I must admit that things get a bit unrewarding, dare I say even mediocre, starting when we see the classic cavalcade of boring businessmen swaggering to the camera as they carry empty suitcases across a strangely deserted London.

You’ll hear the usual Apprentice terms, things like, ‘I’d sell my mum for 50p from the big Asda store’ and, ‘I run a billion pound company, but for some reason I want £250k.’

You know, the classic thing you see local used car salesmen posting on LinkedIn when you remember to check them every three months or so.

But don’t be fooled by this boring start. This episode was brilliant, and I think this series is going to be special.

Note: No specific spoilers here, but we’ll talk about the episode, so if you want to go in with no knowledge, get out now.

Now, nominally, this is because this is the show’s 20th season.

As such, the BBC and Alan Sugar have promised a season bigger and better than ever, and they’re kicking it off in style.

For the show’s first task, the candidates were flown to Hong Kong for a fan-favorite shopping list challenge.

As grand as this journey is, I’m sure that this new series will be one for the history books, not that the Beeb spent any money on it.

No, I think we’re in for a treat because if this episode is anything to go by, this year’s crop of would-be tycoons are even more useless than usual.

By now, fans of the show are used to Apprentice candidates being as capable as tissue paper in a rainstorm.

However, in my 20 years of watching the show, I have never seen a group get into such a mess.

After this episode, when you look up the word ‘failure’ in a dictionary yet to be written, you won’t find a simple definition.

Instead, it will simply say ‘The Apprentice season 20 episode one’ as the candidates have taken the ball to an art form.

It’s Van Gogh’s messy Sunflowers, Michelangelo’s David of disaster, maybe even a chaotic Citizen Kane.

Needless to say, this makes for very entertaining car crash television, and if the candidates keep making mistakes like this every episode, then we might just have the best series of all time.

I know, of course, there are people out there who say ‘this isn’t what The Apprentice used to be’ and they want to see competent people succeed.

To those people, I say, are you kidding me? Watching the candidates fail is fun, and even now, after 20 seasons, The Apprentice’s formula still works.

I love watching pompous people in bad business suits have their outsized egos explode against the ever-irritating Lord Sugar like watermelons in Moss Bros suits being thrown onto a sullen concrete floor.

It’s a relief, and even better, I feel the special joy of watching three or fewer competent people rise to the top each year. Those who don’t think of themselves as a brand or an entire field, but have the common sense to realize that this is a business opportunity, not a competition to see who can say the most nonsensical things.

So be sure to tune in tonight for a great time and proof that The Apprentice still knows exactly how to make an hour of unmissable TV after 20 years in business.

The Apprentice Season 20 starts tonight on BBC One at 9pm.

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